It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
