Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
