if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
