your thong is hanging out like whoa
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
