if i can run in heels then i can drive
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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