i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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