Is it because I queefed?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize