I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
