Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
