You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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