dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
