Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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