I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
