You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
