Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
