The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
