My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
