the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize