i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
