wrigley field is MILF paradise
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
