He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
