So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
