I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize