Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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