Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
