we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
