fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize