I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
