I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
