I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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