I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
