I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize