He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
