my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
