people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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