He is such a slut. More and more my type.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
