i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the raccoons are back...
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