i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
