Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
