I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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