Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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