I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
