Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
