I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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