i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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