I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
