I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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