walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
