I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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