smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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