If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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