So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
