hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
