we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize