Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
