You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize