Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize