just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
