I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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