Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
