I am puke
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
