apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
