She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
