Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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