so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
