the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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