I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
