I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
