I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
