I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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